2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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