It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
