I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm bleeding and have questions
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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