We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
