You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
