someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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