i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
