Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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