Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
