haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
