She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
