wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize