listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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