My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
