So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
