so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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