this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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