It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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