i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
my poor anus
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
