someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
