True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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