i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
