my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize