Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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