Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
