So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
