is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
