Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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