ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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