You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
