He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
