so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
