i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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