Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
