I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
