i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
