we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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