Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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