i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
