my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
