there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
