my mouth tastes like poor choices
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
