someone get that fucking seahorse.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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