Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
