i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
