Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
