I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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