There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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