I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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