so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
