Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
