i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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