NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
