none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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