"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
