and my herpes radar will keep us safe
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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