I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
