She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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