i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
