Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
