Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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