I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
