hotel room ftw
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
