im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
40s are totally the cure
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
