Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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