There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize