I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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